Thursday, June 23, 2011



I've been pretty down in the dumps of late, money wise that is. My savings were depleted of $600++recently, not that it's money that won't come back but this depletion is pushing me to live by the tenterhooks. Apart from that, I just have zero luck with making money. ZILCH. Everytime i think about the amount that slipped through my fingers, I'll have this raging urge to bang my head on the wall. It's been THAT bad.

I hate not having financial security, layers upon layers of reasons that I have to justify my need for financial security. Everybody needs it , I just need it more. Because for all the layers of reasons that I have, financial security gives me emotional peace as well. I believe it would be an amazing feeling to not worry about money, beyond amazing in fact. Some might call it materialistic, I'd call it realistic. Money can't buy you everything, but the lack of it could hinder you in a ton of things, even the mere fact of you wanting to help someone else, even that could be hindered by money.

I guess there are three types of people who would give you the preach of ' money is not everything in this world' 1) The people who are already filthy rich and have come to a state of mind without the worry of the bucks , and hence are able to savour the finest priceless aspects in life (e.g: love, friendship, family ) without a worry at the sidelines 2) The filthy rich who have come to realise that despite their wealth, their lives are hollow. In the pursuit of luscious gold, they left behind the most precious of all treasure in life. Basic happiness from the simplest of things. 3) The rest of us who are trying to attain wealth, even at the slightest. It's a comfort mechanism, " I can't get it hence, I shall be content with what I have' or maybe a more cynical " I can't get it hence fuck it, I probably don't need it" Yes and holy people, and people who just aren't wedged right in the middle of the rat's race. Probably if I had my own farm in a rural village I'd be like " Ah fuck money! I've got my cows to feed me ! " And days would simply be filled with swinging from tire-swings and dancing around the fields which is ,sadly, not the case.

Money is a pretty amazing thing, powerful mindfucking capabilities I must say. The things people would do for money, the way people would change for money. Beyond amazing.
And here's me giving myself a pat on the back to keep hustling till I can find that peace, that moment in time when I finally release that little knot in my head, when I finally feel financially secure.

Till then, I'm going to try to calm myself down with pretty pictures lest I do a mental retake about the money lost, money gone, money yet to come, ARGH. Fuck, lest I start worrying about money again.


BAH. greenhouse boredom. TWO MORE MONTHS.

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