Wednesday, September 21, 2011

C KUM FAI




The past few days since results were released have been ... foreign. It's been a while since I've felt this lost and this down. Lo and behold, all hopes of a brand new path have been shattered because I failed my mp/sip. Seriously, nobody fails these two modules unless they flee from work/get fired/hand in blank documents.



I'll be honest, such an unexpected failure really shook me. Left me in doubt, left me questioning my abilities in every aspect that I've divulged my time into. I just threw myself into the notions of work to get my mind off everything, day after day of mindless work, training after training but at anytime that I let the numbness slip away that sinking feeling would leave me on my knees, confused. I thought I was done with feeling like this.



I've never wanted to talk to someone, anyone, that badly. Someone who could give me an opinion or maybe it's just me wanting to talk to someone to get my mind off emotions, strangely enough I can always manage a smile and joke talking to someone about this entire issue. But when I'm in the comforts of the closest one, I can't help but throw emotion after emotion out to get it off my chest.



Just yesterday, another feeling snaked in, one of vapid anger. The reason finally came to light, I handed in a document late but even then I'm adamant that it's not justifiable of both results. Having such a snake tell me ' it's nothing personal ' when it's pretty obvious it's played a part, is just disgusting. I wanted to spit in his face, douse him in truthful venom. How does someone like that make a cut as an educator? People like him put good teachers to shame.



I don't see him helping other students in their studies, I don't see him playing a key role in the heirachal school system so how the fuck have I been wasting his time when he's been paid the same, the same to not conduct liaison session, the same to not bother about a student's progress until alarm bells bring. Talk about responsibility.



And the lies, seriously, lie after lie to threaten me, bullshit about needing evaluation, asking me to QUIT... condescending tones and eye-rolling while talking to me, what professionalism he exudes. Wait, and what happened to our class fund? Too bad, I'm just at the bottom of the food chain. I'll even have to sit through a session with my mum, subject myself to an hour or more of his hypocrisy. Disgusting.



I guess through the night of thinking, I might just sit through another 6 months, request for a different liaison officer at all costs and grit my teeth through this shit. I don't have anything to prove to anyone other than myself, much less to such a biased prick. I can't work with hyprocrites, I can't work with people who abuse their authority and I sure as hell can't work with such a bitch.



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