Monday, January 9, 2012

stoic 2011

It's now 9 January 2012, how fast, a week gone by into the new year. The resolutions have been left untouched, simply because... I'm afraid. Maybe it's the fear that my weak resolve would let me down, or that skimming through the past year looking for tar to clear, would leave me bewildered that I messed up more than I soared. Maybe it's really the latter, it'll have to wait till I'm a little more composed. A little less prone to crumbling at a nudge.

That load of awful mess aside, I'll be grateful for the things worth being thankful for. Despite how much we all know that hard work determines the end, I'm still a strong believer in the fact that things happen for a reason. That certain occurrences were pushed into motion simply because it was meant to be, of all things in life, this simple inexplicable phenomena is what intrigues me the most.

1) I found love.

Not about to belt out into a mushy tune of rantings about days of being enamored, but rather, about how it's been of impact. This time around, I sincerely believe I've found something deeper. A love strong enough to put faith in me, and a love strong enough for me to hold on. It's a love deep enough to stir the darkest of emotions in me and a love deep enough for me to break barriers.

Before this, I was a frivolous soul. By choice, nobody was indispensable. I've tolerated and stayed by the sides of the most unreasonable people, caring and loving them despite everything but at the end of the day, when the swan song draws near, I cut the threads of ties like I never knew them before. One thing I've learnt, is that love doesn't work like that.

Be it lovers or friends, someone you truly care about, isn't supposed to be this forgettable.

And because of this, I finally believe in a crazy love. The kind that tugs at your heartstrings, that drives you up the wall, that throws you into raging fits... but at the end of the day, it's exactly this love that calms your soul to slumber.

Give me 5 years, I might change the way I think. But at this point, 20 years fresh into this world, I earnestly believe that I'm entitled to such irrationality. I'm entitled to care more about how I feel than what my mind says is right. Because right now, I can't imagine anything more beautiful than doing what I feel is right, rather than what I know is right.

At the end of the day, it's just a simple question of what makes me happy. Rationality on overdrive has a way of killing the joy and meaning of this little walk.

But it's also such a tumultuous love that makes you appreciate more. Not for the sake of it, but just the sheer gratefulness of having what god placed into your hands. I've always thought of myself as an island, but in a post written months back, I realised how blind I've been to forget about the ships that dock. For the people who stayed with me despite my awkward self, thank you. I'm like a tangled ball of yarn, perplexing but with subtle patience, without noticing it, we just might go hand in hand ( no i'm not doing it on purpose ).

This year, through love, I learnt about friendship.
I've learnt to acknowledge the impact rather than brush it all off as a passing phase as I used to.
I'm not a flamboyant friend or lover, but I have my way of expressing how I feel and I hope it gets through.

Year 2011, I think I've learnt one of the biggest lessons in my life.

(of course there's so much more but 5:43 says TIME TO GO HOME HEEEEEEE
Happy 9th page of the book everybody)


  1. Yeah, you can only be young why not do what makes you happy. But we get old one day, and want to be prepared when that day comes. Life's full of balancing acts, unfortunately

  2. True that! Enjoy life now :D I hope life is treating you good whoever you may be :)