Friday, July 20, 2012

Food for the Soul

Bon Iver is Food for the Soul

It's 20th July today, it also marks my 21st birthday. Has anything changed? It's just another day. But has anything really changed? It always has.

It's amusing to meet or hear from people of the past.
I always get the same line,
" You've changed a lot "
How do I not?

Ever so often, upon retrospect, I find myself smiling as I think about my 16 year old self.
They call it change, I call it growing up.

Deep down I'm still that same kid 5 years back, I'm still a little too trusting but I tell myself to take everything with a pinch of salt. I'm still a little too easy going, but I tell myself to hold my fort when I have to. I'm still a little too accepting, but I tell myself to cut ties when I have to. As always, I'm still a little too nice, but I tell myself to let it all go.

Live and let live.

I have come to see things so differently, to accept so many things in life that sometimes I find my rationality my greatest annoyance. This almost zen like state towards people, a huge bane. They sure can get away with a lot of shit. And here I am sitting down, watching them do it. With eyes wide open. What an irony.

I used to not give a fuck about anyone, moral obligations and an inherent trait pulled me to do the things I did. Maybe I cared, but it was as shallow as it could be, as fleeting as the very moment I do, I don't. I'd be back in my little bubble lost in space.

Then came the times when I was too eager to care, to make up for the years lost. I threw myself out there and got ripped apart. I was like a deer in the headlights, dazed and confused. Or like a dog chasing a car, even if I caught it, I wouldn't know what to do. I was the greatest hazard to myself.

Then there comes now. Still brimming with so much love and care that even I baffle myself.
How do I still stay through, clinging on that little mindset of mine... after so many damn times?
The only difference is, I care about myself enough to look at someone I love and tell myself to not give a fuck.

And regrets? None. I've lived with the choices I made, some, the greatest mistakes ever.
But who the fuck cares right?
I'm still here. And for the things and people I let go off, at that very moment, or even until now, I had and may still have my reasons.
They may never understand or they may never know, but all that doesn't matter.

Time to get ready and enjoy the last few hours of my 21st before I fly off to BKK tomorrow!
With all said and done, I'm thankful for everything and every one who meant something to me.

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