Tuesday, August 14, 2012

love language



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All I need is a touch, a hug of affirmation and suddenly every thing just fades into oblivion. I cry the hardest when I'm hugged.

I don't get myself these days, exactly 8 days ago, I gave someone a second chance. Something I've never done, usually I run for my dear life the moment I walk away. Maybe out of strong headedness or maybe out of fear. Is being more accepting making my resolve weaker? 2 days after a friend told me one line that took me by surprise.

" You're growing older. "

That coming from a 40 plus year old who's gone through that stage, he's probably right.
That scares the fuck out of me.
I always knew I had to grow up too fast, but damn, it was always the circumstances.
Now? It's just me.

Nothing excites me these days anymore. Probably the furthest the excitement meter hits is one notch above amused.

Except maybe when I go rounding.


Maybe I really am growing older.
Mentally.
Fuck.


One funny thing? My brother thinks he's going to die at 40.
Recently, I've been feeling like I won't even hit my wedding day.
Like maybe 35 with 100 cats, then I'll die exactly at the peak of my life.
Preferably while I'm zooming around on my bike in some godforsaken beautiful country and a reindeer charges out and bangs me down and I die from hitting my head on some rock.
And that's all the injury I get.
Perfect.


Better be nice to me now, I might will you my entire fortune. That's just 14 years more.


I shouldn't be left alone for too long, I read too much, look at pictures too much, think too much.
Most importantly, I get consumed by every thing that happens in life, too fucking much.

Seriously, my bro die at 40?
That bugger's too chill to die at 40, at the rate he's going he could make it to 150.




Enough mindfucking for the day, Audrey.




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