Friday, September 28, 2012

cosy nest no more

This was my weekend working for F1. There was Velvet with it's F1 themed nights and for Singapore Cricket Club for F1 itself. It was one heck of a tiring weekend with horribly aching feet. Well, a lot can change in one weekend.

So I chose to stick to Velvet despite the lower pay simply because the additional days for SCC were a lil last minute and I didn't want to let my manager down. But lo and behold, when you least expect it, things happen. Since that day till now, I've been having fleeting moments of ' If I had gone for SCC, how would things be like now? '. Maybe just maybe, I'd still be doing my Doorhost/PR job. 

But ah welllllll, as I've always believed, everything happens for a reason. 

Maybe this sudden shake up was exactly what I needed. I was starting to just mellow down and settle into this cosy nest of comfort. Gone were the days when I'd be fervently sending out my portfolios for jobs, rushing all about for castings and trying to squeeze as much cash as I could every month. After the shift up, I loved my job at Velvet so much. I didn't even have a day of dreading to work, I loved meeting new people, talking to them, I didn't miss an ounce of the partying life I once had before entering Velvet. So there I was settling down comfortably and, on retrospect, being a little too content. All I did was work at Velvet.

Because of my commitment to Velvet, I ended up having to pull out of recital. 4 years, I've never missed a single reggae recital and it was just 2 weeks that I couldn't make it. Motherfucking sad I was. 

Okay back to right now, I'm stuck with a couple of thoughts in my head

1) I am earning too little
2) I am out of recital
3) The days of living in my comfort zone at Velvet... are over
4) I am bloody mediocre at the moment

I probably just had the most productive 2 hours in the whole past 2 months, slamming away on my keyboards sending out my commcards, writing this entry, sorting out my thoughts and settling on the fact that I need to get out of this.... whatever the fuck state this is.

One thing that kept popping up was how much I missed having my own blogshop. I ended my blogshop on the dumbest of dumbest terms that can't even be justified at all. It's not even a ' oh it was too tough for me ' or ' it took up too much time ' etc. All I can say is ' oh. I was just fucking stupid '


Okay. 6.56pm, time for me to run to j8, get my stuff and get ready for a night of work that I haven't seen in a long time. Pray I don't fuck up and end up with a gazillion void orders. 

I'd come back and recollect my thoughts another time.

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