Monday, December 17, 2012

Monday Morning

Writing a post in the wee hours of the morning, what's new? What I'd do for a nice hot cup of Mocha Latte at the moment.

The week has been busy, conquered a weekend of work at Zoukout and more work, more happiness, more fears, more participating. The day has been fruitful, I've finally started on my room. It's not the usual flippant attempt I'd put in, packing a little here and there with acceptance... mostly. Like ... " This shall do ". I'm flipping things all over the place, shifting everything here and there, throwing out bags after bags of stuff. This time, I'd make it work. I'd sit down and gaze at my room starry eyed and content with happiness. No acceptance needed. 

Though a bit of Wingardium Leviosa would be nice because... damn some shit is just too heavy for me.

I'm feeling a sad ache in my chest, this couple of days have been Oschool Recital. For the first time, I've actually missed performing for the reggae item. I scroll through picture after picture on instagram, Facebook , I skip through every note I see out there because it just pains me that I'm not part of it. 

I miss the stage so much. 

I'm such a little ball of insecurity when I'm just... me. 
 I'm a nervous wreck counting down at the curtains, but the moment the light hits, the moment I'm out there, everything changes. 
I miss that exhilaration and euphoria. 

But things happen for a reason don't they?

And things might be different if I was on that stage this year. I am happy with how everything is now, so I should be happy for the way each event fell into place. 
#optimism 101.

Well, time to go check up on my degree course, the agenda for my waking hours and then sleep.
2012 was a bad year for me, but I will make 2013 a good one.
I'm done sitting around waiting for things to fall into place.

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