Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I Step Forward Two Steps Back

It's another night, am I doing this right? Sometimes it feels like I'm taking one step forward and two steps back. I'm typing this as I listen to Kodaline, I have so much to say, yet I feel like words have become superfluous. I'd just be running over the same lines over and over till my tears run dry and I become too exhausted to talk and too weary of hearing my own voice resonating. I wake up telling myself it's a new day, I fall asleep convincing myself not to give up. I paste posters, I scribble beautiful quotes, I set goals, I talk about being better and I do all that I can. I'm so scared but sometimes I have no idea what I'm so terrified of. My mind is a dank phenomenon, cultured over such a vast time space. Half a life, no less. I'm trying to undo the makings of my most vulnerable time- growing up. Those moments still crystal, reaching out into the dark, and nothing. Grasping nothing. When my mile was deemed as nothing more than a yard. Any semblance of even a breadth's proximity to those notions, finds me struggling to keep my foothold. Every breath of a new day is something to be thankful for, but some nights, I fall asleep wishing it was forever.

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