Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Weeks in Snippets



Here's close to 3 weeks of pixels all combined into one longass picture filled post!
Getting my ass back on track, blogging more regularly, before the year flies by and I come to forget all these tiny little points in my life that mean so much to me. Okay even a year's a stretch, I can barely remember what happened 5 days ago unless I trace back my texts, social media and my organiser :< 


















































































There's just been so much to be thankful for and I'd never stop being thankful for the opportunities life has given to me. From the people I've met in these past couple of months, the wonderful dialogue I've shared with them, to the doors that have opened to me for work and the new things I've experienced... It has been very overwhelming. It's really crazy how much things can change in a span of half a year... I've done so much more in these 6 months than I have in the past 5 years. I'm not proud of who I used to be and I can never get back all the time and opportunities which I had let slip, but I'd push on to make up for it. It's not easy, never was and now, scary even. Things just change when you've had an ugly burnt in your past for so long, there's so much fear in me that I can't explain and some days that fear just consumes me and I sit alone with a battle in my mind. A part of me wants to throw in the towel and allow myself to be consumed by the fear which as strange as it sounds, has been a nest of comfort, people don't realise how dangerous and enticing negativity can be when you've grown used to it. You stop trying and that's really just it. You can't fall further than rock bottom so you'd never taste failure again and sadly, that was who I was for a long time. Someone so afraid of failure that I just stopped trying, I watched as precious moments and chances slip through my fingers, and I didn't do anything about it. But there's the other part of me, that knows better, that knows that even if I don't progress, I can't regress. Those dim embers of fight in me, are what keeps me going. I'm not hungry for success, yet. I'm still looking for the spark of motivation that would fuel me from within, to push on to do even greater things, to take more chances and to look that fear in the eye and say 'fuck you'. But until then, I'd keep the faith that one day I'd find my way and now I'd just keep pushing on - do what I have to do and do more as the days pass. 



It's a strange time in my life, so strange and overwhelming but so gratifying. I'm always sick and I wake up not knowing what day it is because my schedule is so erratic, but I'm thankful for the fatigue my mind and body has to endure. Because it means I'm working hard, because it means that I have something to work hard for, because it means I have better days to look forward to. That is something that I treasure so much. 





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2 comments:

  1. love reading your blog. you are legend. X

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  2. You remind me of someone i fell for a few months back lol. I been trying to move on and stuff finding inspirational things to learn or improve on my own life. Thank you for being one of them

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