Thursday, September 25, 2014

Game Face On.



She got a seat, huddled close to the window, flipped her hair to a side and adjusted her hoodie. If only this bus ride could last forever; trapped in this moment of subtle solitude and briefly relieved from the duties of an expected smile and an upbeat disposition. Why do people treat sadness like the plague anyway? 



She'd been walking on this tightrope of faux placidity the entire day, that though, was manageable. Then came company, and her game face was on. That, didn't sit too well with her but 'responsible' was the word. For months now, she'd psyched herself to learn to live her life a particular way-"compartmentalisation'. Her warped pragmatic mindset of having complete disregard for those nasty surreptitious feelings and trudging on with her day like all was fine and dandy until there was time to deal. 'Compartmentalisation', was 'responsible'.



She had never learnt to deal the "right" way. Alcohol, nicotine, caffeine and, as ironic as it sounds, pain. Those were resident tenants in her library of coping, her little companions of solace. They say that misery loves company and those were hers. 



She scrolled through picture after picture, and through her fervent scrolling stopped on a collection of photographs- Circa 1997. Childhood. That one last untainted year before everything had spiralled into the nauseating disarray that ensued. Her lip quivered and she bit on it, but a sneaky tear escaped. Oh, the things she'd do just to go back to then. 



She stared out the window, every other living soul around her shut off by the music wafting through her earphones. This bus ride could go on forever. If only it could. 




" Perfection is a disease of a nation ", those lyrics snaked in and constricted her brain in a chokehold of mental suffocation. 




She'd been chasing a ghost her entire life. 




"We shine the light on whatever's worst". How apt. 



"Then you break when the fake facade leaves you in the dark". Impeccable. 




She stood before her door, that bus ride didn't last forever. The turn of the key was tantamount to flipping a mental switch. 




She took a deep breath as the lights came on. Game. Face. On. 





" You are nothing but a husk of a person ". 








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